Till My Beats Drop Cold

I thought I would withhold Everything I am till I grew old But tonight I feel like I'm bold So I'm putting your calls on hold And I'mma keep writing till im sold My thoughts are too hot to be bored I mma rhyme verses till my beats drop cold I look at the mirror, damn I look seventeen but watch my words ,coz my thoughts are keen It often get ahead of myself and sound mean sometimes Im hilarious like im your Mr bean I need a vaccation, some place im never seen So I'll close my eyes,write about things that mean I can write , damn I feel proud of art in black n white I'm evil, I should be issued a shoot at sight I'm pouring my heart out, can I get a lime light? See,I get straight to point,so sit tight I keep having this dream,may be I'm right watching y'all look at me with yours eyes bright Like I'm above my demons, flying high like a friggin' kite I swear, I mma still rhyme ,oh!i still might Till I lose my rights,my dreams'll stay elite

Everything Else But You

Humans are simple. We are all the same. We don’t need a thousand fancy phrases to describe ourselves. One word says it all. "Imperfect", that’s what we are, and that’s what we will ever be!. It's our quest for perfection that complicate us. A journey that hides between a fairy four letter word "Life" .A bait we all love falling for over and over again. Like a pierced tumbler , never completely filled, unsatisfied. "Incomplete", that’s our middle name. We are a race that’s lives on fairy books, Hiding our weakness in grandeur  of alphabets. Framing despair in to  destiny. Greed is what we raise, a never ending desire to hurt. Greed has more relation to destiny than eternity ever will. We don’t have a voice. We are dumb. Lies ! That’s what we feed on, whispered in our ears about the sumptuousness of a prize so priceless that its worth living for. That’s what we are told and we named our prize "success" . Success is like a false bottom of the sea. A master illusion! ,always with in your sight. Tempting to get a hold of , with a shyness of lady ,innocence of a baby ,slipping out of your hands when you try. Always a bit deeper when you swim for it. Always this close yet that far from you. Driving you deep in its charm, till you drown. Holy grail wasn’t humanity's greatest lie, success is.

What makes you different from the one sitting next to you?. Isn't it the path you chose to become perfect that makes you unique ?. Do we inspire the ones around us or are we just jealous?. You envy in the  happiness of the less unfortunate people than you. You feel incomplete in the fortune you earned. And you feel your success is further more apart when you see the luckier one's than you. So don’t you think that’s what those unfortunate's feel when they look at your 'success'?. Is your success inspiring anyone? . Your success is magnet that attracts the one around you to your ruin. You are offering your hand to your friend to doom. You're making a promise, you know you can't keep. So our purpose in life is to hold each other's hand and walk in to the pit of fire! Is it why we are sent? To raise hell.??? . So why  are we so desperate to live another minute? to watch one more friend die?. What have we become? Mass murderers ,?.. Or are we the angel of death?

No, we are humans, the most distinguished species that ever lived on planet earth. The most privileged ! But what's left of that heavenly creations, we don’t know.! Now we are a disease ,spreading from one to the other ,corrupting our own purpose. Surrendering our rightful freedom and entangling ourselves in chain of lies. But, there is one little piece left in us. Hope! That is the only thing that is common among all of us now. It's that little piece of goodness that we possess. That little remainder , that we all are made for good . No matter how evil your deeds are ,how much you've hurt, there's still that moment of kindness  left in all of us. So may be its time that we leave our chase to be perfect. Let go of your invincible dreams, not your inhibitions. Freedom is not what we should earn for all our lives, it is  our right to breathe, it's our ability to feel, our virtue to be grateful, the depth to forgive, our desire to love, our nature to care ,We are the blessing to the world from heaven. We are humans!

Genleman, I had your curiousity, and now let me have your attention.! Allright, I think we got off on the wrong foot here, fellas. This is the easiest blog so far, it's easy and I'll tell you why. Its coz, I have no idea what I'm talking about. This is my protest to those philosophy preaching , 'god knows what 'talking peoples around us. I'm a 22 year old shitless kid. I've no idea what half of things I wrote above means. Philosophy and fancy phrases are easy, all you need is couple of words ,imaginary power of a 10th grade school kid and amateur skill in manipulating words. If I could do ,so can all those people around me. So  to people who walk around saying" holy death ,rise you, mother of eternity ,wrap me in your arms " or  " mother nature, I can't wait to come back to you " or " life is  a lesson" and so on…, .i got just one thing to tell y'all. Anyone can write stuff like that and if this was your idea of being cool and getting attention, I say we aint impressed. And the reason why  we don’t go around saying shit like this is cause "WE GOT A LIFE" and you people, not really !!!

The Boy With No Name

  This post is all about me. Having said that, I'll be starting with a mention of a person who isn't even remotely related to me. His name is Jim Carrey. Yes ,the one from 'The Mask'. I know most of us have watched it 'lost the count' number of times when we were at school. The reason why I'm mentioning him is that, this guy has something to do with the title of this post. We all know Clint Eastwood right?, the man who made movies so real that it made us all feel as if his movies were inspired by our lives (every single time!). Well I'm quoting Jim Carrey's theory about Clint Eastwood movies here.

"We see that the boy who got bullied at school grows up  one day to be 'ass kicked' by the 'man with no name ', and the reason why I think he had no name was may be because we could fill in our own "

I'm not here, comparing Clint Eastwood with me. Hell No!! But there is something in those lines I could borrow to describe the purpose of my blog. But then, I'll  have to take you all back in time.

This is my Third blog and it all started in 2011. My first blog was all soft, mostly wrote on adrenaline and the 'rookie' instinct of a fresher college kid. I think I named the blog just right too. I named it as the French dialect for 'jubilation'. In fact the phrase and my 'real name formed a humble 'Alliteration'. I don’t want to brag about it much but I'll put it this way " Back then ,most of the contents of my blog were rather soft and touchy. Yes, touchy like it sticks. And if you are a kid who never grew up I would say, my contents were like your favorite chocolate u forgot to keep in refrigerator. And if you are a kid who never wanted to grow up , I l expand it for u , it’s like  the melted chocolate that you loved licking out of your fingers. It was untidy , but yet it tasted good, didn't they?.". Then the following year I came up with much more magical title.  May be reason was , that a person I knew told me that there was a bit of magic in the words I formed. So I assumed my blog name and the self-declared "alter ego" in the fond memory of wizards. Let me be honest with you here. I'm much more of an illusionist than a wizard and I'll tell you why. They say wizards are people who actually does things which an illusionist pretends to. I also know that my strength is not the depth or the talent. It's more like I can ,to a very small extend at least, create illusions of words. For example, I could talk about a simple silly thing and scribble the words around in a variable combinations and make it appear attractive and interesting, stealing your attention as if I am talking about the hot girl you always wanted to go out with. I guess you can call me that I'm an artist of Deceit. I know it's a skill that most of you people don’t give a damn about. I'm grateful to God and proud though. It isn't exactly something people love to sing about but, it's sort of what they say "it's a talent, you either got it or you don’t". I don’t think it's something that people can achieve  on practice or hard work , its rather something that comes out of your crazy little mind with a ferocity of avalanche, all the way to your fingertips when you hold your pen.  Despite it all I chose wizard and that’s  something I still can't explain. And accidently, 'word and wizard ' seemed to alliterate as well. 2012 was one hell of an year. A lot of things changed, some for better, some bitter and other few I'm not still quite sure of. But , one thing I'm sure of is that, I turned twenty that year. And , as I gave the 'Twenty One guns' salute to my 'fallen' teenage, a sort of revelation struck. I was horrified at the fact that I'm finally twenty. The number 20 beside my age column almost gave me a nervous breakdown. The first thing I did was removing a song from my playlist. The song was called "Waving Flag". You might have heard it if u were in to football. Well the problem with the song was that its lyric was contradictory to my present state of affairs. The song said "when I get older, I will be stronger" and the whole world loved it and so did I(Although, I believe that the original version of the song was more intense than the celebration mix he created for the world cup).But when I turned 20, it was like the equation didn't add up. I was like I am already grown up, And If I had to be strong it was now. It is true, isn't it? . So I tried to flex my muscles and brought some changes to the things I blogged about. I tried to bring in the "best of both worlds " in my own way. Like heaven and earth, man and god, hate and love, sarcasm and innocence, revenge and sacrifice, love and hate. Well, my blog wasn't as grand as it might sound to you people right now, but then I told you, I am good at creating illusions . Haven't I ?

Now, there is one thing common about my two blogs. I never revealed my name. I'll try and tell you the reason by the time I'm done with this post. I've dragged you along too far with the past. Now it's time to talk about the present. Even this blog is based on something I learned. All our life, as long as our memory could travel back in time, there's only one thing that is common to all of us. Beneath our skin, behind that carefree mask we wore there was one thing that we all longed to become. In the furthest corner of your heart ,there was little kid who kept saying " one day I'll grow up to be something I'll be proud of". And I'm damn sure  that every single time, even when our life came crashing down like a house of cards, there was that one dream you never let go. So, that's what this blog is all about. It's about that kid deep in my heart I never let go. It’s the voice in my head I chose to ignore. Now, this is my little dream brought to life in 'black and white'. But I know if you put your head through this post , you'll agree that this is no better than an autobiography of a self-obsessed fancy kid. I'm here to prove that if you are still reading this line, it shows that sometimes we all look beyond the flaws and appreciate reading the silly matters of our daily life. We might not have the guts to scream out loud but I know we all sometimes feel that even in our unsung normal lives, we often play out roles amazing than in the movies, we are sometimes a hero on daily basis, we survived tragedies others couldn’t have imagine, we know love beyond the love songs, we know to smile while we cry and we know our life has stories worthy  to be read. That’s what I want to write about. I want to write about things you could relate to. The things you nod your head to, even without taking a walk in my shoes. Because I know that what we all seek is not a grand idea or rocket science mysteries, sometimes all we want is a routine incident described with humor, a straight tale made interesting or simple story told with all its heart. And that’s all I scribble about.

May be I'll have to stop now. I guess I made my point. And if u still ask me why my earlier blogs had no name?. It was may be because you could fill in your own.

Monsoon (Kid Version)

(Intended for kids 15 or below  )

“I m out of my lousy dream
I watch through my window frame
I feel the monsoon drizzle ,as it kissd
I am pulld in deep beneath,may b drz tings i missd

Wish i could go back n time again
To stand out and soak in rain
To throw my arms out wide,and close my eyes
Smiling like i found where da happiness lies

If i could choose, i would chase away the rain
Throw myself to ground, get ma cloths n mud stain
Wondering how my mom would roar
Id tiptoe and sneak n to house through backdoor 

May b therz things sweeter beyond dream
Like watchin monsoon pour, sippin my ice cream
Strugglin to keep the umbrella just right
When these crazy winds puts on a fight 

But i cnt go bak, they say i m grown
So ill shut the window and ill be gone
Just another thing n time i lost
And ive heard “innocence can never last “ 

Spell Bound

This one is for playing me down

For mocking me, for acting like I'm outta town

For all those who had a laugh at my expense

Thank you so much, it had spread a vast extend

This one is for making me weak

I wanted to scream, you'll never know what it takes to stay meek

Have you wondered how much your words can hurt?

All u ever made me feel was ,like I'm  captain of a sinking boat

I cant stand up and may be its just my fault

And that’s exactly why I locked myself away in the vault

What do u see in me, a shitless kid??

That’s what you have done to me, that’s what you've fed

I cant look back in to your eyes, too shy ??

I cant speak what I mean, ask me why

If I tried, I would choke when I talk

Like all the words I know,wrap themselves in some invincible cloak

Don’t think I don’t remember things you've said

I've noted it down, filled it up in my head

Revenge, one day I'll come to hunt you down

And If I cant find you, I'll burn your whole town

One day my time will come, and may be I'll gloat

You can try drowning me, but I'll still float

I'll hit the top, then imma explode till you loose your count

Then You can drop your jaws and stare at me spellbound

A Winter, some twenty years ago

Big Dude :"yo, you next. Welcome to paradise ("with a smirk ")

Me:"keep that smile for ua self.. It’s a shame that we have to stay in queue.?? Man im not feeln this heaven thing yo.

Big dude : "watch ya mouth son. Heaven is  no place  to complain. These humans ..,I wonder y god created em? Such arrogant gene. Look at you . U have just been created., not even sent to earth… and haven't even met the god for a single time. And u already  got complaints about how this place is run!!!!. Now go get your self presentable before god.  He havent got all day.

(so im taken in front of god for the first time and big dude left,leaving god for company  and

Before he leaves he whispers in my ears " first day at the office ,make him proud")

Me : yo, homie!! Hows it goining.,? I like this place. !!!gorgeous !!!

(god  gets freaked out by the way I ve introduced my self and luks me through the corner of his eyes )

God :"do u have any idea who I am??? I'm "THE GOD". For gods sake don’t you think I deserve some respect.???huh?

Me: arighty.i'm sorry I just was trying to be cool.u know…?!

God :"well, I aint impressed. !!!now, lets talk business. So this is all the characteristics  you are gonna get while ua life on earth.!!!

Me : I like the sound of that. !!!

God : "I don’t like ur language.!!!

Me : sorry, im just carried away u know…!!

God: so ua qualities………….

Me : god,god,god , " am I gonna have the 'hot' luks????

God :"  looks ??,nope!!the guy before you, he just had it!!

Me :"awwww…..m that’s sad.so what do I get?

God:"son.!!actually ,the point is, since its december and theres just couple of days for new year  and this being a holiday season…….uhhhh, so….

Me : SOOOOOOOOOOO???

God :"so, we are actually out of qualities…and we don’t get it refilled till new year stock comes in.

Me : but, my D.O.B says I'm due tomorrow…!! How is that that possible???? WAIT A MINUTE !!! Does that mean,I'm not gonna get any talent???

God :that’s really an negative way to put it ,kid. Look at the brighter side, you have been given a chance to prove the humans that you can survive on earth,with these limited talent !!!! Isnt it amazing !!!W.O.W!!! ( trying to bring a pleasant expression on his place )

Me :aha!!!!dont sell me that. I aint buying any of that trick you 're playing………… I need talents!!!!

God :just in case, u forgot, this is my place and things work here the way I want it. I'm the one giving orders here,not you. You have the right to remain silent!!!

Me: I'm sorry. I just got emotional…I think u understand

God : well , since u r in this special circumstance , I think I can forgive wot u said.!!

Me: so, are u gonna sent me empty handed to earth??  Isnt there any talent left at all??

God: well let me see what I can do!!!

We'll start with courage, since theres isnt much left in stock, I must say, you're not  goining to be  a brave kid. then,smartness !uh,no luck with that too, u're gonna have a real tough time trying to be famous around ppl…, u wont be much of a social kinda person…,  will have a big communication problem….if u expose all ua weakness , u might have bad time gettin bullied at school. Cover it  up son. Then the looks!,since u wanted to be hot!! Well ,we are completely out of it. U know , every one asks for  making them hot and smart… wot could I do son….!! Well , we have bit of innocence left here.. I think liltle extra innocence must be  kind of of consolation for you. !! Then in to talents…., hmm , u know ,everyone wants to be a singer, rockstar , film star, sportstars,……just too many stars on earth than in the universe….so cant give u any of those….may be  there is little bit of a writing talent left in here…would you like that??

Me : am I goining to be a famous writter??

God : (chuckles) no son, we havent got that much talent left, I think u might be able to get an applause from your friends if u try real hard. But remember, u r going to be just a small time, always remember to keep your head on your shoulders.

Me: well, what can I say. You are god.!!!

God: oh!!! Don’t be so hard on yourself.you 're gonna survive..

Me : yeah great. So what about my partner. Will  I get someone wonderful atleast or are you gonna say" sorry dude, we are out of gals ???" huh

God :" haha…I like the sarcasm there. As a matter of fact I have got little sarcasm left over here. May be I vil give it to you. Atleast you can can make fun of people!!!;) .and about the gal , well don’t worry about that… I will make sure you get someone worth it. I wont let you down on that.

Me : thank you , finally!!!

God : since you are getting very little in built.., I will give u a lovely parents and sis.

Me :what about friends??

God: hmm that’s up to you… well given your character , I wouldn’t put a lot of money on u bieng famous around a lot  of people :p

Me : that’s so demoralising…..

God : don’t worry ,u will be my favourite, son!!!

Me : ahhh….come on , you say that to every human !!!

God : haha…….. Wot can I say… I'm god, I cant choose to be biased. Everyone's my favourite..,at least when there are born……..

Me : so will I be successful ….?

God : ah….that's all up to you, what you make out of your life

Me : come on, you know  everything,!!!

God :  don’t flatter me ,!!!! Well given ua talents, let me put it this way " life is no walk in the park son"

Me: I think  I know wot that means

God :don’t worry ,  I will through u a bone, when u're in trouble…believe me ..i always will…

Me :ahh.soo

(big dude walks in ,)

Big dude : " your time is up. Time to hit the dirt.

(takes me away  and as I was ready  to be transported to earth, he luks at me again )

Big dude : see u at ua coffin (winks)!!!

Till I Rot

(The character mentioned here is fictitious):

I'm walking on my own

This lonely road that stretches all along

I've been through this path before

But tonight head is heavy, my heart is sore

I feel no more , I've long lost my smile

My mind is numb , my thoughts embraced filthy line

Bathed in sin ,I've clothed my evil soul

I've stepped on tears, my pride has taken its toll

I've sold my soul ,I've bought all I could take

I've traded my heart ,replaced it with hate

I saw no good ,I saw no god ,I never turned back

I built my fortress  , grabbed an empire and I painted 'em black

Tonight I'm all alone, I'm afraid to think

I can smell me stink , I can feel me sink

Regret have filled my mind ,darkness filled my eyes

I'm blind ,its too late, I wish I had chose the otherwise

Now,the storm strikes in and cold wind blows

I wish this pouring rain could wash away my flaws

To cleanse my heart and soothe my soul

If these winds could carry me somewhere I could start over it all

Rain have soaked me wet ,but I'm drenched in grief

I'm drowning in tears ,shedding like an autumn leaf

I stripped all my clothes and I'll pray awful lot

Let my heart bleed , till I rot